So its been eons since I blogged. I felt so vulnerable in the 1st trimester, I couldn’t write publicly. Floating miscarriage statistics and odd ultrasound results circled over me. One twin’s gestational sac was a little small (seems have resolved itself!). I had a peri-gestational hemorrhage (tiny pocket of blood outside the placenta- it seems to have disappeared!). And I got diagnosed with gestational diabetes (although my glucose levels are the lowest of any diabetic pregnant lady on the planet. My OBGYN called the diagnoses ridiculous).
I just felt too tender to share publicly. As a raging codependent, I am kinda proud of myself for listening to what I needed- to stay close to the campfire inside my metaphorical first trimester cave. Sometimes I need more privacy; other times sharing feels right. I get to make the call, which feels so light and easy.
Anyway, now I am at 12.5 weeks and have two little guys inside me with strong heartbeats that pounded gleefully on this week’s ultrasound. They are real. They are sticking around. My belly protrudes like a happy Buddha.
Spring loaded, fear has pulled back. Off my shoulders, off my mind, the heavy pressure of fear has lifted and I am morphing into a happy pregnant lady. I can’t believe this is happening.